by joules » Wed Aug 04, 2010 1:04 pm
Well, the movie starts out with all of the main characters getting blown to bits by a little girl suicide bomber. Then they go to the afterlife and are washed up on the shores of a river, where they are joined by Tomoe Gozen. Richard Francis Burton beats the shit out of the main character. Then all is well until Pizarro and his men arrive on horseback and attempt to enslave everybody. Then Samuel Clemens arrives on a steamboat that turns out to be powered by a nuclear reactor, declaring his intent to find the source of the river. Zoom out to a picture of an earth-like planet riddled with and endless labyrinth of rivers. Meanwhile, robed figures with their faces painted blue appear as visions to selected characters and instruct them on what they must do to save the River World from destruction by Burton, who is bent on blowing the place up to escape from it. The characters become separated, and Mark Twain, accompanied by a homosexual and a Muslim warrior (the one pictured in the boulder photo), "mountain climb" over a range of mountains with no water or gear, complete with shots of them grunting their way dramatically up 5.2. The gay guy falls off a cliff, and then the Hindenburg arrives to pick them up. It catches fire after being shot by a cannon from the steamboat that Burton had hijacked. Burton jumps ship with the nuclear reactor and heads for the Dark Tower, the "source" of the energy that powers the world, intent on blowing it up. Everybody dies and is reincarnated, once again meeting up along the shores of the river and riding off into the distance with Mark Twain on his newly-built steamboat.
Basically, best thing ever.